There is a hole in my heart measuring approximately
The space of your absence,
The width of your lies,
The depth of your mysteries.
The blood that runs through me
Still waits for you. Uneasy.
I tell myself lies for no conceivable reason,
then stand strong before you, dignified. Well, inside I am
The rod that vibrates with heat,
The unquenchable fire that burns it burns and
Now
That you have ignited it,
How am I supposed to put it out by myself?
I stand on edge, electrified, lit up, consumed
While you run around doing god knows what, what all that is none of my business.
And all in all, I realize I don’t like what I’ve become.
Which should lead me to to ask the real question here:
When do I walk away?
Walk away from the nothing nothing you give me,
From the low heat you’ve got me cooking under while you
Go ahead and live your secrets,
And I make excuses you don’t deserve out of
(Dare I say it?) Love (there, I said it)
Love for you,
Misguided? surely,
unrequited? possibly
Impossible? surely
You know how you know? The way you know about a good lemon? The way you know about a BAD lemon? The way you know that you like watermelon, might occasionally eat plums, and absolutely detest grapefruit. That’s how you know. The way you know the things you like to do, and those that just don’t appeal to you. That’s how you know. The way you know the feel of your own skin, the way your own body looks under harsh light in a way no one else knows.
True and everlasting, that’s what you want.
It is time, I think
to begin
to say that I
love me.
There, I said it. How very
Revolutionary.
In an ocean of poetry about love for others, love for one man, or another,
lost love lust love found love all love
I declare that I love the way I walk through this world,
the way I inhabit it.
I like me, and I am proud of who I am.
Whatever ways I’ve let myself down,
and for all the long path still ahead,
I like my presence in this world,
whether you love me or not
whether you like me or not.
whether he does or she does or whatever.
I just like myself.
I like the sound of rain.
I would like to watch you sleeping,
which may not happen.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head
and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear
I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center. I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and you enter
it as easily as breathing in
I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary.
For you, there’ll be no more crying,
For you, the sun will be shining,
And I feel that when I’m with you,
It’s alright, I know it’s right
To you, I’ll give the world
To you, I’ll never be cold
‘Cause I feel that when I’m with you,
It’s alright, I know it’s right.
And the songbirds are singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before.
And I wish you all the love in the world,
But most of all, I wish it from myself.
And the songbirds keep singing,
Like they know the score,
And I love you, I love you, I love you,
Like never before, like never before.
I wish I could take the pain away.
But more than that,
I wish you didn’t feel it.
I wish you wanted me,
but more than that,
I wish you wanted me
first, one, and only.
